End Of Year

Today's Class 95 Love Songs with Marilyn is one of the best, there was my favorite - This I Promise You - All That I Need, Save The Best For Last, White Flag and In Love With You. It's night like this that you wish you have a soul mate by your side and you could chat till daybreak... Sometimes, you may be surprised to find that the person you can pour your heart to is actually someone not that close to you. I would like my parents to be my soul mate but we can't seem to chat for more than 1 minute without bickering or raising voice=p Okay I will put in effort to change things, they are my only next-of-kins.


Okay pondering whether I should continue with my faux hawk or get something new. Short and spiky shall be the path, crew cut or even GI!!!


This post is also going out for that somebody who seems a little lost and dejected. Things may not be going well for you, take this as a test of your faith and mettle, you are not going down so easily. Yes, it is tiring and you are not as strong as you may seem but who says life is easy? If so, what's the point of living? Emo-ing won't solve the problem, you are gonna say easier said than done. That's true. I'm just here to give you a pat on the shoulder, pass some positive energy to you. Smile and the world will be yours=))

So late still got people wanna scare me...~!@#$%^&*()_+ But I still finish listening to the whole video, thanks.


P.S.: Smile and the world is yours=D

Rejoice

Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone...

It's the time of the year where you look back and give yourself a pat, onwards to 2012! 2011 was fulfilling, a great episode of my life that I can't forget. Filled with sour(friendship turned sour), sweet(countless things my hpy did for me), bitter(rejected by NIE), spicy(my affairs=p), indeed it is a dramatic year fitting to be part of my life. Using our AHS lingo, "happening only sia!"


Here's some "awards":-


1. Air Friend: Yang Fanglin - Always there regardless of whether I can see her or not, very important


2. Sweetest Friend: Celestine - "When my boss asked me to look for handsome guy, I swear the first one I thought of is you!" *melts*


3. Eye Candy of 2011: Fionne - Still need to explain mehz? Still got people ask if I'm her lao gong(boyfriend) on FB! Like my friend said, I really tan tio(gain advantage in hokkien) She is so sweet, really hope I get to work with her in future activation. Then, get her number, be friends... LOL the last I heard, she just broke up with her boyfriend!!!


4. Most Important People: Parents - Thank you mummy daddy for doing all the small but tedious things like waking me up, household chores and loving me*muacks*


As 2011 comes to a close, I'm thankful my life has continued to be so colourful. My career path is flourishing, I went to an awesome concert with Fanglin, my future continues to be bleak with no uni accepting me... Then there is also some friends r/s issues, with old and new friends. Dark secrets. Life is as happening as it can get. I'm still young and I have no intentions of settling down, so just have fun.


Last year was worrying about studies and my future, this year something else pops up. This time I don't want to learn it the hard way. Please take care and give me more time.


P.S.: Smile and the world is yours=D

01.12.2011

Been very long since I last had time to actually blog in the middle of the night. Now that school holiday has already started, I'm actually kinda lost. Nothing to do except keep meeting up with friends for birthdays etc. That plus my reluctance to run and incapability to find a running partner in my area has resulted in a Silver award for my first IPPT. Bottle ten cloth burn fragrant, zero ten hug Buddha's leg. Now that I see open already, I will work hard for my $400 after my birthday!


Actually I think this is my karma, for doing "bad things". There are 2 bad things which I recently did and I am feeling guilty about them. I know what I did was wrong but I still chose that path. 人就是这么犯贱. No matter what, I wont cross the final line and do what will be condemned for eternity by all. A test of my mettle, this is 1 that I cannot afford to fail.


P.S.: Self pity/emo-ing is for losers, be a winner.

Happy Only

Today I arrived at my cubicle with a gargantuan(I'm sure that's not how to use it but who cares) surprise - my EC left a fragrant pear on my table with a cute post it. Can someone please tell me, am I thinking too much? Out of courtesy, I should give her a small gift too. Oh well, we shall see how things go but I have a feeling I will suck at handling such stuff. Oh, 2 of my students got full marks for their maths exam(probably nothing to do with me)!


Anyway went to bowl with Alex & Fanglin after work. Totally lost touch, first game tio owned with a 64. They all hit a 9 for the very first bowl while I only managed a 5. Things quick took a turn for the better as I locked my elbow and wrist. Managed two 126 and a 143 for the following games but just couldn't get my turkey. Still, I'm pleased and now I shall plan for a game of volleyball, the next sport to learn. Follow by netball, rugby and yoga. I still need some pro help with badminton and swimming man, still very noob. Yawnzzz, time to sleep.






I said, if she comes to Singapore, I will definitely go to her concert with you. But now, seems like this promise is gonna be broken, unless a miracle appear. Shooting stars, will you appear for me?


P.S.: Smile and the world is yours=D

Favourite Number

Happiness.


Woke up early today=p Good mood. School was okay, got to know more students. Oh, and I shook hand with my EC. She is so sweet. On Monday, she initiated a "HI!" when I was photocopying handouts. Shell-shocked, I only manage to force a "oh, hi" which sort of like disappoint her(see how much guys think when girls do a small thing) Well, today I was photocopying handouts again and this time I decided not to let go of the chance. I asked her for papers and introduced myself. Our hands were cold(due to the air con in the staff room), so not really very encouraging. But she flashed a really bright but shy smile. She really looks sweet when she is shy. LOL but I heard she is attached, oopsie.


Then, today my "mother" Janet actually called me a suave and charming boy!!! To be praise by a Singaporean is no easy feat, to be praise by a HOT & GORGEOUS Singaporean is all the more commendable! Thanks "mother", I am gonna keep your message!


Yet, nothing is perfect. Some "Toulalan" Singaporeans actually boarded the bus from the rear exit and act blur even after I asked them to go to the front and not make things difficult for the bus captain. Are you so poor till you can pay for the ride? Are you not shameful that we have a reputation of not giving up seats for elderly, instead choosing to feint ignorance and fall asleep? Shameless couple, I can foresee their child(ren) being ill-mannered and lack of moral values.


Reached home, finished the latest episode of 我可能不会爱你 and I really felt sad. The scene where the male lead needed someone to talk to but no one was around. His mum and sister were out, best friend falling in love with her ex(also the guy he hates) and nobody for him to turn to, not even his ex. Ever felt like you needed someone to spend some time with you but everyone is either too busy with work or studying for exams? That is why I always wanted a sibling, to take of and to be taken care of. No point wishing for the impossible. I am really all alone now, just as well, feel like being alone for a week. No hangouts, no nothing. 1 week of being with myself, doing what I want.


All the best to Jem for your FYP.


P.S.: Smile and the world is yours=D

心血来潮

Every time I'm sick and down,
I close my and pray you're around.
To cheer me up and make me smile,
So my hard work will be all worthwhile.


Suddenly some words just came into my mind, must be the effect of Ariel Lin.


P.S.: 心里那么多的不甘心，那快乐怎么进去啊

Dream

I have a dream. I wanna be an actor, to be in a production that takes weeks or even months. Get to interact with director and other actors and actresses, don't mind if I'm not the main lead though I really have what it takes to be. My acting skills are recognized=)) after all, I have been acting all my life.

P.S.: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength

Optimistic

I am not emotional. I am not pessimistic(in fact my jr just said I am the most optimistic person). I am just lonely and suffering from Asperger's Syndrome when I am at home. I am starting to feel good now that I made my choice and my vision is clearer. For people who has fallen, tell yourself this: I am just taking a path different from others, because I want to create a path of my own and venture where others don't dare. Life would be too boring walking the same path as others, you already know the ending.

End of year coming, birthdays coming, my favorite time of the year(not my birthday) is coming. Anyway for my birthday, I know my friends are not working so not very rich. It is okay not to get anything for me(though I know you all will=p) I shall separate into 2 categories: the rich and the richer.


For the rich people, I would like: -
1. a handmade birthday card

2. a big pencil box, something like--->
3. stationery like UHU glue, 2B pencils, pentel eraser, nice post-its, mini penknife and good tape(I am more practical)
4. soccer ball(cheap and good)
5. Interesting books on Maths

For the richer people, I would like: - 
1. AppleCare Protection Plan
2. Moleskin pocket-size planner
3. Giggs Jersey


For those who can afford all of the above, a call with a hyper "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" would beat everything else.


Here's a list of what NOT to get: -
1. Apparel
2. Bags
3. Watch
4. Pouch or casing for Ipod
5. Wallet
6. Shoes(unless you know what I want but it will be too ex)
7. Something impractical


Time for the great showdown at the Anfield.


You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

P.S.: 拥有就是失去的开始

My Way

Last Friday, had a chat with a PE teacher who suddenly asked me if I really want to take on this path as a teacher. He was telling me how this is like The Army, experience counts for nothing, only the degree does. A 50 year-old WO will still be under a 30 year-old LTC because of qualifications. The higher HQ will not see your effort in doing the morally right things, they only want to see results. Perhaps that is why students nowadays are so result-oriented, screwed up.

Thanks to that conversation though, I'm reconsidering taking a sports science related degree and going out to work before becoming a teacher. In fact, I may well be going for a Diploma in Physiotherapy, then a degree or masters overseas! Honestly, this friend of mine know me for barely 2 weeks and he is teaching me stuff like a big brother, telling me the inside story of this job, his personal issues and giving his advice. It is clear, either I take the short and sweet path of going NIE through contract teaching, or the 1 I mention above. Money is a concern, my results probably not good enough to get scholarships too. Shall make a decision by October.

Very fulfilling weekends, dinner with SK & co. on Friday night, 2D1N buffet with 37th EXCO(essentially) on Saturday night, classic breakfast on Sunday morning and spectacular F1 Race at night! I can't believe how good life my uncles are. 2 of them driving BMW and Mercs, the other 1 is a big shot in the police force. Apparently he has lots of connections and his friend actually gave him 4 F1 tickets worth $548 each, that's a staggering $2196!!! I can only conclude that it is someone trying to pull strings too... Went with my grandpa and we left just halfway into the event, so wasted!

Too much to say, but not in the correct mood. I know I made the right decisions and I will continue making them.

P.S.: It's my life

Choices

3 years ago I made the wrong choice for the courses I applied. Trying to correct my mistake with every little step I am taking.

3 years down, I made a right choice. It is my problem not yours, it is unfair. I am sorry. Thank you the 1 up there, for giving me another chance, now I know even I couldn't do it.

P.S.:Goodbye=))

This is my September

When I went for my interview last Thursday and the interviewer asked if I would take up a relief job immediately I thought that was part of the interview. Turns out he is the principal of Poh Ching School and really invited me for relief teaching there! Thanks to Michelle for giving me that luck(she claims). PCS is a SAP school but the discipline here is like "~!@#$%^&*()_+". 2 words to describe them, yao2 xiu3. They are lucky we can't ask students to stand for the whole lesson though it is just 30mins! Bloody suckers, especially the P1 boys, I hope their karma comes soon. Anyway I really need to think of a way to deal with these little rascals, can't get my lessons going. PE with them is the solution for insomnia, freaking slept before 10pm on yesterday and woke up at 9am today! Now that I'm teaching, lesser time to think about 有的没的, whole day thinking what games to play for PE... How to keep these buggers quiet... So for now, I'm learning things the hard way with no mentor but I shall be thick skin a bit and ask for help. Tomorrow will be a better day=)) Jem Yeo, you still owe me a date!!!


P.S.: Life is incomplete without goals, that's why I love soccer!

Sorry is still all i can say

Nose having abrasion from all the tissues stuffed. Cards after cards, letters after letters. Mistakes aplenty but what I can't forgive myself is making you J, intentional or not. How selfish that I always demanded to be the special one in your post but yet you were not the one I was referring to in my post? Really so not worthy of you, thank you for still willing to be so nice to me. I am sorry.


原來我比自己想像中地要烂很多.

I have awaken

I woke up before September ends because MOE has gotten back to me and scheduled me for an interview this thursday. Feeling pretty confident about it,after all i'm always condfident of myself in terms of looks and capabilities=p I may sound a little arrogant but i know i'm smarter than majority of my peers. I didn't do justice to myself in A's with too much time spent on relationship and soccer. If i had studied as hard as during O's,i would have gotten B's for my sciences to say the least. To illustrate my life in football terms, i find great similarity with Klass Jan Huntelaar. Just like me, he made the wrong choice of joining Real Madrid at the peak of his career instead of joining Manchester United/Arsenal, with me choosing relationship and soccer over studies. Getting too carried away with my O's, i thought i could manage 1 of Houdini's greatest escape from the wrath of Cambridge, i was wrong. My priorities were all wrong - girlfriend, soccer, gaming, gatherings... I like to believe that all BAD things will come to an end! That's why now is the time for me to bounce back. Yes, i have lost more time compared to my peers but all roads lead to Rome. I may have taken the longer road but i have seen something different that i will use to my advantage one day. Yes, i didn't take the "perfect/designated" path but nothing is perfect, i shall learn to create a new path for others to follow, the way of a leader. I live my life. So let my journey as a teacher begins! Ya-Ha!

I have yet to discover the chemistry and passion between us. Only time will tell how much you truly mean to me

P.S.: Never stop smiling because, you never know who is falling in love with your smile=))

Just a dream

For the days i didn't work, i have been having nightmares. It started off with you ignoring me. Twice, i woke up feeling heartache. But then, something happened. I dreamt that i left to study in the US without leaving a word. After i arrived, i realized what it means to me if i never get to see my parents again. That day was the first time i cried in reality while dreaming.

To be honest, because of the nature of my parents' work, i have always spent more time with friends than family. Before i entered RSS, my mother would bring me to grandma house every saturday. Then somewhere around P4, the rental fee for the coffeshop increased + economic crisis, my parents had to put more effort tending the stall and had lesser time for me. I even had to work for them as waiter after school and on weekends. Of course, all these was to provide a conducive studying environment for me. I still remember, travelling alone to my grandparents' place from Bedok to Tiong Bahru at that young age, i was so afraid. But that was the start of my independence. Still, things didn't improve and our electricity was cut. I had to study under candlelight and bathe in cold water. So you can't be poor if you had better life than me, quit complaining cause even i didn't. Back then, i rarely fall sick and i think it was the environment that made me tougher. I didn't really studied very hard for PSLE but i think the maths paper was easy and i may have gotten full marks or close to it. That pulled up my score. I didn't have confidence for my other paper given the fact i was always effed so hard by teachers. Generally, I didn't have much regrets when life was tough, except for how i treated Jem. Sorry dear friend.

Time to sleep, has got a date with cousins tomorrow. Part 2 shall continue tomorrow.

P.S.:I'm confused yet relieved to see it. A pity i will never get to hear it now that my phone is spoil.

Things will get better

Just went to USS and damn it was good, if only i could take the roller coaster a few more times. Starting to like exciting stuff like roller coaster, bungee jumping, scuba diving etc. I should start playing extremes sports when i have money since everyone says the world is coming to an end. Dotz. Maybe the world has reached its saturation point where there is no more room to develop, that's why it is gonna end. Everything that happens is meant to happen, we only come into this world to know why it happens. When you know you don't have much time, don't spend more of it sobbing and pitying yourself, make them count. Take this for example.


Nearly a month since i lost a friend, i'm glad things have moved on, seems like you are happier now. We can't be friends but i don't consider us enemies. So even 10 years down the road, i will still greet you if we do meet(i even greet someone i hate) we should be mature adults after all. On the bright side, at least i haven't been "unfriend" and hopefully i won't be after this post(not that you might be following). This way at least we still can know how each other is doing from afar.


I have officially chosen to take up relief teaching instead of studying at SIM, don't see myself slogging my heart out on economy. The tough part is not making the choice, but putting effort to support my choice. Thank you HPY for getting me a list of schools and their contacts, i will contact them but before that i need to ask Tongwei some things. Seeing all the convocation videos and camp photos, i really wanna go back school too! I gotta be patient though, i will get my chance. Must learn to be humble, willing to learn and accept the harshest truth. At least i fell during the first 20 years of my life, i should have more years ahead to climb to the peak!!!


P.S.: I live, I rock.

Kukupians ftw!!!

Went to Kukup with the Kukupians, simple 2 days 1 night trip. Lots of seafood, photos and fun too. Thank you Chang & Pam for organizing this fun-filled trip. All the horseshoe crab, BCM Hub, fireworks, our Kukupians' headcount and the lovely companionship made my week really enjoyable. I promise i will join in more of these 2d trips, these people are just great!


However, i realize i didn't wholeheartedly let go. At the kelong, when i saw the cuttlefish snack, i was subconsciously looking for the entire piece type. Friends are so environmental-friendly, take nothing but photos with us and leave nothing but footprints in our minds. Once a friend, always a friend.


Anyway, a trip to Kukup and my friend advised me to actually pursue contract teaching to gain entry to NIE instead of waiting for next year. I have applied at MOE for relieve teaching, once they approved i will send my resume to the schools around my place and hopefully get a reply before end of July where i have to pay for SIM. Still considering if i am gonna take a gamble and give up on SIM if the schools don't reply me by then.


P.S.: That's what friends are for

好的事情

好的事情 最后虽然结束
感动十分 就有十分满足
谢谢你 是你陪我走过那些路
痛 是以后无法再给你幸福


Finally had a proper meal with my handsome dad and pretty mum today, had a decent conversation as well. I can't even recall when was the last time we all had a meal together. That's right, there is no need to envy people. I feel kinda guilty to my mum, sometimes when she gets naggy i will sound irritated & harsh. I know she cares for me but my temper has always been bad. Maybe that's how i have been as well, naggy and pressurizing. Time for a change, speaking of which i have decided to keep long hair.


Yesterday, went to SIM to send the contract and wanted to go out after that. I took out my phone, after a while i realized, there is no one for me to call to. Jem in Taiwan, FL working, Soh in army, Mao working, Boss in NZ. Eventually i called SK, he had uni stuff. I have friends, but friends who are in different paths. Now that i think back, everything started hay-wiring after A's. All because i lost my focus from studies, talking about relationship, soccer and gaming. TJC is honestly not that bad, it just didn't suit me. This is a painful fall but it is not over yet, 1 more token. I must create my own path now.


P.S.: Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and create a trail.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hakuna Matata

Just a few more days, i should be done emo-ing by then. HPY, don't worry about me. This might help when i get ditched in the future=p See? I still can be so optimistic so you don't think too much, stop crying and it is freaking not your fault. You just have a weird HPY that's all.


P.S.: Daijōbu

05.07.11

My worst fear came true and god it hurts as hell. It is like December 2005 all over again. At the end of it, I'm still the one not willing to let go.

Thnks fr the mmrs

A push-pop, a movie ticket stub, a day knowing you, a couple of post-its, a few priceless photos and a lot of precious moments. Thank you for the memories. Be it NIE/SIM, i hope you have good doctors there.


P.S.: Whatever happens, smile!

- Ng Zhao Xiang

Time will tell

Now that you're gone, i'm holding on. Cause in my heart you still live on. Still worried if you are emo. No worries(consoling myself), soon you will have a whole lot of new friends and move on with your life. Your smile brightens my day, without me knowing that it actually brings you so much pain. Time will tell if this is the right choice, though i rather we......still be friends.


P.S.: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened

- Dr Seuss

Friends

Had a little talk with Michelle about "friends". Really help me to decide what i should do. Just because A is a friend of both B & C doesn't mean B & C can be friends. By right, i should be happy since my problem has been solved but there is still a tinge of sadness hidden in me. Of course, i don't want to lose a friend, but if being friends is so painful, i rather we forget about each other. I know i am the cause for all this, if only i had watched my actions. How many times have people asked me why am i so nice to a girl? How many times have people asked me if i am NOT afraid i may give others the wrong idea? But this is me, and i won't change who i am. I am not gonna give up being nice to people just because somebody may misunderstand. My care for you is also as true as a friend, i may go out of the way but i don't have other ideas. Just so sorry my care has become a burden too much for you. I understand, it is scary when someone suddenly has so much care for you. We may never be friends but at least we are not enemies. I am thankful i once know you.


P.S.: Every time i log onto Facebook, I look out for your photo on Friends On Chat...

A Long Deserved Break

No mood to blog for a very long time. Since i left Starhub, since Akemi left for Australia, since you've been gone. Back from Taiwan, feeling emotional. Partly regretting not doing more to make this a better trip, another part of me feeling sad that this is how it ends.


Somethings are never meant to be, that's why no matter how hard you try, it is still the same. Just like trying to grow taller when you are already 22-.- Yet, if you never try hard enough, sometimes you may just be a step away from success. One can just say "things are born these way" and take the easy way out. But how many has the courage to make a difference and smile at the end, saying "I have DONE my best"? Yes, it is DONE not TRIED.


P.S.: 我跟你就像大海与天空,乍看之下好像连在一起. 事实上是两条永不相交的平行线.

Poetry of a wimpy kid

I sincerely wish

I could read your mind

Please give me a second

I'm trying to find

Just the right words

that will let you see

how so very special

you are to me

I don't know why

you must talk in code

Every confusing line

puts me in panic mode

If a yes means no

and a no means yes

then maybe means what?

It's a damn linguistics test!


Why can't you simply say
what you really want instead?
The only thing I know:
"Nothing's wrong" means I am dead


So please accept my apology
for a man will be a man
And even though I love you so
some things I'll never understand


So please accept my apology
for a man will be a man
And even though I love you so
some things I'll never understand


-------------------------------------------


I'm not that great to come up with this, just my fortune to chance upon the voices of many hearts.


P.S.: Poetry of a wimpy kid - Leonard Teo

Back to where i belong

Went back to AHS to meet up with Soh, Boss & SK for some 55th anniversary run which we missed. Took 168 to RSS and walked caused my ez-link no money-.-" Walking pass RSS, lots of scenes re-enact in my mind. The times when i always played blind mice at the playground, when i always buy the 10 cents ice pop at the mama shop, when i took bus 17 with a very cute girl. Then, at market 85 i remembered NCC feasting like monsters after CCA day, council having desserts during camps and of course when i was robbed for the first time. At the canteen, saw the veg rice auntie, she was probably too afraid of me since i used to buy $1(rice + 3 veg) worth of food from her. There was a group of boys sliding down from the slope where i used to collect saga seeds. Kinda nice childhood, my dad always tells me about how he slides down those kampong slopes with a cardboard when he was young. I wanna try it 1 day. In the air-con hall, thought of my sec 1 orientation when i looked at my OGLs in awe, never expecting myself to become 1 eventually. In that 4 years, i had more fantastic memories than at any point of my life because i had friends. Friends, a group of people who i have grown so dependent on. Maybe cause my current friends have been so great that i have failed to embrace new ones, or the other way round. I feel lost typing this post like i don't know what i wanna say. Sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical. More memories of childhood, trying to go back in time now that you have grown up. Yet, longing to grow up when you were just a kid. If only source code exist in this world.


P.S.: Things will never be the same again

Goodbye

People are all good by nature, we just need to learn to look at their good side when they show us their wrong side. I still remember when Tar Hau first came i thought he a bit weird weird but generally still okay to work along. Until he decided to pull some stunt den i a bit pissed. But thinking back, he is really okay as in he is not like Alan who always complains this and that or Parry who is the ultimate weirdo. Tar Hau is eccentric but still at an acceptable level, after all if i can tahan eccentric Soh for 10 years, what's a few months with Tar Hau?! Just that, yesterday i was standing at info counter and looking at Tar Hau walked by. Felt a little emo he was the last guy to go home cause he went to buy nuggets for us without writing his timesheet first and yet i think no one said a simple thank you to him. When you think about the person, don't always think of the bad points but rather think of the good/sweet things that he has done. I'm still learning how to do that cause i always ignore my mother's nagging but when i look at her from afar, i feel my heart aching. I know i'm unfilial but i really really tried to listen to her, just that in my childhood family wasn't that close to me. I also want to have a family day every week, family trip every year and family meal everyday. I just don't have the luxury. Now i took an extra year before i can independently support them, feel so sorry for letting them down. I'm their pride when i got into AHS, when i got into TJC, when i got into OCS but now, there doesn't seem to be anything much for them to be proud of. Friends and relatives asking if i have girlfriend, even my grandpa tease me about it. Maybe he just wanna have a great grandson, but i shall leave that task to my cousin, Wan Yin!!! Even my "Good" friends are teasing me, asking me to fall in love with each other. Are my terms & conditions that bad that you think i will not have a girlfriend??? Time for some love from my mother, curry chicken(even though my throat just recovered) LOL!!!


A little story to share: Nails in the fence


There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.


P.S.: No more hello, no more goodbye, no more smile

Memories

My time at Starhub feels like a dejavu to me, like when i was in primary school. It is like a cycle, i hope what follows is as exciting as my secondary school days. And i hope i can know another "Jem".

Peaceful day

I forgo my pride this once but i will treasure myself more. Someone once told me that it is important to preserve your pride and not always give in. I thought, why not take a step back and the world is a better place. Now i concede, cause by doing so you are just running away from the problem and not solving it. It will come back to haunt you.

Got a good tan today, no hot babes but a lot of small kids to create some chaos out of my otherwise peaceful day LOL. Swam for an hour before heading to SIM for my uni application. Then to Tiong Bahru for Source Code=)) It's a movie i have been tracking since last year when i saw it on IMDB. Good movie, kinda touching towards the end but i can never understand how the guy fell in love with the girl in a few 8mins. First time watching a movie by myself, LOL i recall telling Shi Min i will never watch a movie alone, never say never! Oh and when the girl selling tickets heard me buying a ticket she was like, "1 ticket?" I bet she was thinking, "how can a cute guy like him be watching movie alone? I wish i could watch with him!!!" Anyway something funny happened at the NTUC while i was waiting for the show to start. Still coughing, i went to get some lozenges and was browsing through the shelves when i heard a loud "Zhao"! My instinct was, "what the hell, even at this place there is someone who knows me?!" My shock was met by a couple of girls who was actually making their way out-.- I thought i how famous sia.

Peaceful day, wanted to visit my grandparents but was a little late after the movie. Next week perhaps, i'm missing everyone a little. Oh by the way, Jem, happy meeting Say Hwee!!! I don't know if you are too busy to skype but it is okay, i'm not really in the mood to skype now if you know what i mean. Can always drop me an email or msn me=)

P.S.: If you have just less than a minute to live, what would you do?

Song of your heart

I need to recount my "adventure" on 21/04/2011. Absolutely the most unlucky day of my life this year. Woke up by the stinging sound of my ringtone instead of my alarm & i knew i was recalled. Then, nik decides to be nice & not ask me cover him not knowing i already left house without my cousins' presents & stuff for rest of the day. Anyway, thanks to him hanging in there. Went Bedok for breakfast & swim but so coincidentally, the pool wasn't open till evening time!!! So i decided to go Tampines to swim and lucky me forgot my goggles. Rush back home to get presents & meet my cousin, Wan Yin, to pass her presents for her & Wan Xuan. Had a decent lunch at Holland V, my first time trying Mexican food. Portion and flavor much to my liking. Okay maybe the only good thing about that day was the food. Updated Wan Yin about my life and also learn about her interesting pilot-boyfriend. What a dream, to be a pilot. Next, went to meet SK at NUS where i alighted at the wrong stop only to walk up a slope. I know i fit la, but the day just seems to get shittier. Follow SK home and htht along the way, been long since we hang out especially with Fat-Soh slumbering into some kinda depression. Me becoming a slave for money/Starhub, SK & Mao managing their studies and relationships, our gang haven't been meeting for El Clasicos and late night matches. Emo. Carrying on, we went to Tampines SAFRA to play pool but so many people we thought no hope when the uncle asked us to write our name to book after like 15-20min. Had he asked us earlier we would be playing but also our fault not to asked. Walked around the whole SAFRA also cannot find any ATMs, WTH??? Luckily, saw this girl with a not-bad back view, *Beethoven* but she never turned around. Apparently she just finished a game of squash, i think sporty girls exude great charisma. Woosh! Anyway, we went back to see the queue and indeed we were next but it's gonna take at least another hour cause all the tables were full and the next group to leave were the ones before us. Demoralized to the max, we walked to Tampines Interchange and chilled at Starbucks. Left @ 1030pm to take bus only to miss my bus, waited like quite long so i decided to cab. The moment i cross the road to flag cab, all the cabs in the world disappear; my bus came. Apparently i wasn't unlucky enough, people started to hijack cabs in front of me till the point i gave up on cab. My bus finally came, that was 1115pm!!! Luckily SK waited with me along the way and consoled me. Thanks SK, for making the wasted trip with me=p Ran home even though i was in my Fred Perry shoes(sorry Michelle=p) Cab down to ECP Cage for some midnight futsal. This is the highlight of my suayness man. My $125++ predator pulse splits into 2 at the arch of my foot as i ran. Unknowingly my stuts were all broken! Then Soon Tat returned me my other pair of boots and same thing, it broke after a few runs. This Tiempo accompanied me since secondary school and although it is cheaper, i prefer it to the predator. Just like that, 200++ flew away, heartaches... Okay that sums up my ultimate unlucky day, but luckily there was a message to cheer me up that night=D

Feeling nostalgic, started listening to the 90s. Started with this song from bsb, Shape of My Heart, like the chorus. Then, N Sync, my favorite band! Share a trivial - N Sync was formed by the last letter of the first name of the members. Cool eh? This I Promise You has got to be my favorite song, remember that Jem! LOL

Anyway was sms-ing HPY when i realized, i have no female friends with those sizzling hot looks or figures. No offence but really, i think about it and, yea i continue thinking. Pretty friends a lot, my "mother" Janet is a beauty. Monday, saw her in manager room and she gave me her brightest smile man, honestly i got "dian" by her! 31 still pretty as ever, if only she doesn't slouch. Been long since she last smiled like that, hope the new staffs don't give anymore problem, Sandra don't throw more spanner and she lives happily ever after with Jeff. Thought Monday was a good day cause not much crowd, was back to Standing counter with Ronn & Fang Ying. I can only say i was disappointed, was i too slack yet expecting too much?


Just saw a post regarding a lonely baleen whale singing at a frequency higher than what it's specie can hear, thus, it has no family, friends, lover, gang or group. The poor whale has been tracked since 1992 and till now it is still alone. If any human under the same predicament, he/she probably died of depression in 1993. Read a blog that says animals in the wild do not suffer depression like humans. They don't turn suicidal cause they don't have friends and stuff. That whale must be damn optimistic or lucky, wish that it will finally find a friend. Loneliness is my most dreaded foe.

Just had a HTHT with Pei Yu at kopitiam, miss this kinda spontaneous late night meet ups that i thought was only possible in Bedok. Chat about the usual stuff and 1 thing she said struck me hard, that shall be my P.S. note for this post. I HATE SMS, WHOEVER INVENTED IT, I'M NOT GONNA THANK YOU. Random.

P.S.: 我们要更爱自己(我们要懂得自爱)

Emo

Went for dinner with my uncle-cum-godfather, cousin & grandma and my family. Didn't go to the Nakhon Kitchen as intended but to a Hong Street Zichar Restaurant at Eastwood Road. In the land of my hometown, everything is nice=)) As we were eating, i realized i'm truly my father's son. As in, cause i don't like to kiap food for people-think it is too formal & fake-and there my father was kiap-ing food for the entire table while i was chanting in my heart "don't kiap for me"! Don't know telepathy or what, he finally turned to me and said with the damn cool voice, "eh boy, 你自己拿hor?" For a moment, he was like the Bruce Willis of "Die Hard 4" and Liam Neeson of "Taken", i look at him with admiration. My dad and i really think alike man, like father like son. No wonder i so handsome!!!


I was watching 一代女王 and they were talking about joining this positive 无可救药积极正面思考团 cult. Talking about how those people with suicidal thoughts or depression became positive about life. Something they said struck me strongly-a pair of good friends lost their friendship cause of jealousy. Makes me think of a lot of people like Ming Wei, Jem and even Eloise. Ming Wei, was like my identical twin, likes soccer, joined NCC & council, study same subjects, joined Furnix blah blah blah. I got to admit i was jealous of him cause i was living in his shadow. Oh well, glad it's over. As for Jem, i'm just glad we are still friends=)) Till the day that i can entrust my faith in someone, maybe i'm not ready to enter a relationship.


Browsing through facebook, don't know how just wander to Michelle's page. Photos of her classmates reminded me of the times she shared with me about them. Really missed the days when i could readily ask her out for a game of pool or just to go to ECP and stroll. Still keeping the tissue she folded for me although that $2 heart was lost in a cab when i went bugis 3 years back. Then again, seeing how happy she is now & how much she has changed, smile & move on=D Moving on by Toya is a song that really helped me, still remembered i first heard it in NYDC with Soh, SK & Mao cause of Mao's imba voucher.


Tomorrow is gonna be a super shag day and i'm still not sleeping. Got to hit the bed soon. Good night everybody, oh ya, to those who are reading this, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUBLICIZE MY BLOG!*you know who you are*


P.S.: If my life were a song, what song would it be.


Glad to receive your messages=)

Employee's benefit

Just received the employee's benefit letter from BGC. It informed me of what Medical Leave & Annual Leave i'm entitled to after THREE MONTHS and when did i receive it? Exactly 51 weeks after i joined, that's 1 week short of being a year! Only takeaway from the letter? The orchid stamp that i cut out from the letter cover -_-


P.S.: 随遇而安

Life's like that

Happy is the mood for 17-04-2011. I went to Bedok Point for the first time, really nothing much to do there. A few restaurants, more than Compass Point though. BUT, there is this imba thing called arcade. From Bishi Bashi Champ to Air Hockey to Daytona to Foosball, this is childhood man. The best of all, of course is the UFO catcher that you get to catch all the fluffy toys. My dad didn't allow me to keep them for fear of me getting asthma but actually i think it is damn sweet to be catching these toys for my love ones. My ideal date is just to catch a movie, have a simple meal, non-stop talking and go have a great haul at the UFO catcher.


Today, finally set up my Wifi and skyped with Jem from my place for the first time. Happily pressed video call not realizing i wasn't wear a shirt. Lucky i end call fast enough, if not jiu let you zhuan dao hor Jem??? LOL confirm say got nothing to see right? Anyway today accomplished quite a lot - collected the router through EXPRESS MEANS, bought presents for my mother & cousins, utilized my Adidas voucher, bought my groceries*something for you as well*, called Mr Chua to learn more about teaching & last but not least sold my phone! That's a lot of stuff for a day huh. Satisfied with my new acquisition, i think i spent about $300 in all the present, that's excluding the voucher man.I don't mind eating Kopitiam till the day i leave Starhub. Hope my mother & cousins will like the presents.


The other day my unit OC came to replace SIM & told me i shrunk, even my platoon mate who i chance upon later said the same thing. From now on, it's protein every meal plus push ups every night man. 60kg is the aim man, don't worry Jem, my BMI will still be lower=)) Anyway 1 reason i wanna be a PE teacher is also cause of this, i don't wanna get unfit with some office job in the future. Imagine me balding with a beer belly?! WTH la. I must get back my "buff" body!


What is the difference between infatuation & love? You are stuck in the ambiguous zone where you can't make up your mind. You wait and wait for an SMS but give up & sent a chaser, once or twice it may stir a smile but looks kinda loser after a while. You think that every little thing that the person does is a sign of her feelings for you. You convince yourself that everything in the way is just an obstacle as a test of faith. You start linking your scenario to Taiwanese Idol Drama & think that your "hardwork & sincerity" will win her over. You have stupid thoughts like "不在乎天长地久 只在乎曾经拥有". Sometimes things work out, sometimes, they don't. People says you are stubborn but isn't love about the feelings you have? If you have such strong feelings then why not be a little stubborn and 来一场轰轰烈烈的爱情? You know if the person suits you within minutes of knowing her but it depends on fate whether you will get together. As in maybe because of timing, you get to know the person later and that's it, she is wonderfully attached. So when people say leave it to fate, it doesn't mean not doing anything. We gotta learn from Cheryl Cole and fight fight fight fight fight for this love! Jem, you got me thinking about all this, so you are responsible for making me can't sleep!


P.S.: To the world, you may be someone but to someone, you may be the world

Project Efficiency

Said i wanna tidy my room, haven't done so. Said i wanna call CCP, haven't done so. Said i wanna train for Sundown, haven't done so. Omg i am the living body of procrastination. Okay Jem, i know you must be cursing me that i haven't called CCP. I lost his number=p


Went for 2XU run with Mao, SK & Bai. Expectedly cui, took like 7min/km lehz. Never mind, i have decided to go running on all my off days. Hopefully will make it for Sundown=)) Breakfast was good, mee kia & kway chap at old airport road with mao driving us around. Though we got lost a few times, it was fun with your friend driving around and not a taxi. Sadly, mao's dad Lexus was damaged by some ill-breed sucker(not the same day) Hope the repair is not too costly.


Starhub seems to make a lot of people sad. Today, Yvonne is not emo, she was devastated! If she was just swearing and bitching i would understand but she was just so quiet. So so sad. Peiyu also seems emo the other day when we went home. Needless to say, i'm unhappy at Starhub too. I can't find people to disturb at BE to de-stress myself!!! Last time got the ever-so-cool Esther, happy-go-lucky Shirla, comical Nick Neo and of course, my cute-aka-noob HPY. Oh, but i'm leaving so it won't matter!!! Today, Vicki came to ask me if i still applying my leave for May cause i actually cancelled it. I just happily said, "OH WO DOU ZOU LE=))" Mixed feelings, but i know i have to go. Yvonne & CC told me to stay, my "mother" Janet definitely was the first to say but obviously even she knows i have to go. It's been an enriching 1 year, friends & experience wise. Thank you Janet, BBSIM & Nick Neo=))


Today (11/04/2011) is Jasmine's birthday, Happy Birthday!!! I know i very special hor, called you at 2359 to wish you. Actually, it's just that i could wish you at 0000=p But still i made an effort to time to perfection and wished you right on the dot! So, Happy Birthday to you again.


Will you love someone the way they like or love them with your own way? No wrong or right but if you choose the former, won't you lose yourself? As in 迷失自我, losing your originality which may be what captivates the other party. Having your style is attractive to me, not to the point of being stubborn or snobbish though. Sometimes i think i'm behaving like how others would want me to instead of how i would. Ya, i know i should be ashamed of that, just hard to ignore others' view.


Suddenly thought of 刻苦铭心的爱 and thought of 爱情零度C. I shall watch it someday.


P.S.: The only constant in this world, is changes.

April Fools' Day

Okay it is 02/04/2011, God, you can stop pulling pranks on me and just tell me, "it's an april fools' joke," a really bad one...


A lizard dropped onto my hair while i was reaching my lift, scare me & caused me to miss my lift. I ended up taking the same lift as the bloody indian who stays at level 2. Nobody will understand this story, nobody...

HTHT

Had a good talk with Jem, though there is really really a lot more to tell you but we'll wait for a better time. Thanks for making me laugh with you though mostly it is at you haha. Hopefully i can successfully install my router soon, then we can SKYPE more often. Oh and if i'm still single by 28, you got to take responsibility k? I don't mind being the xiao de LOL MUAHAHA!!! Eh, remember to open your heart!

Anyway, my latest thought - withstanding the test of a quarrel is more important than whether you can click. If you are able to maintain a close relationship after a quarrel, then the quarrel has served its purpose of bringing you closer. Otherwise, a shattered glass will never be the same again. Some relationships wouldn't even allow a small bickering, while others need to be fuel by quarrels. Of course, who likes to be quarreling? But, if it makes you realize how important this person means to you, why not?

Thanks to friends who have been asking about why i am so emo. Jem who says that i looked like someone about to commit suicide on SKYPE. FL who sends me messages after messages to cheer me up. Yvonne & Peiyu who keeps reminding me that i look emo & having PMS. Kwang for waking up so early to surprise me. Don't worry, i have been the happy-go-lucky type but i need some time to sort things out and clear all the shit. I'm like that when i'm stressed, too serious=S

I kinda miss having something scribbled on my arms, even though i always act like i totally don't want to. It's like a little memory that we share with each other. How i wish i could bite everyone's arm, leaving my mark behind=P Funny cravings, i wanna play soccer, basketball, mahjong and badminton!!! Time to sleep... SnorezZz...

P.S.: 鱼与熊掌不可兼得

Pissed in tar

Today, lots of things happened. Not very happy stuff. Have not been able to skype with Jem for at least a week. HPY getting stressed about exams, even i share her anxiety. Fell on my butt thrice @ PPT. Struggles going on emotionally. Disharmony @ work. At the end of the day, just smile and bring it over.

Jem, i hope you are doing great. My erratic timing is hard to match but seeing your photos in FB i guess you are fine. The other day when i went to NTU, i really hope i will be accepted into NIE cause i will finally get the chance to go to school with you! Kept thinking back of AH & JC days, so much to talk about. Don't know to look forward to Taiwan or fear that it will come too soon. Whatever it is, i hope to see you soon. Maybe i need your advice again, been too long since i hear some LAO REN YAN to keep me sane & sound=p

To my hpy who is like so stressed, i feel your stress and negative thoughts but give yourself a break. I don't know what you are studying & of course i can't give you advice cause i haven't been there done that but don't fear. Fear is the worst enemy you can have. A warrior fights best when he thinks that he is already dead. I serve Starhub best when i'm not afraid of getting sack!!! Haha a bit no link but you know what i mean. I help you ZHUANG DAN, *pat your back*

Straight to the point i don't wanna hide. Today Leong happily ate his subway while watching TV and chatting with Akemi. Suddenly, he told me, "eh yao bu yao gen ta men jiang yi sia ah?" pointing to the upgrade forms not sorted on the table. I went in to check who is doing CPE & informed them. Celine came out telling all temp staffs to go home @ 10pm, Leong happily told her CPE haven't tally yet, still munching his sandwich. What the fuck has CPE tally got to do with you when you are freaking eating your life away? If you have to cheek to say CPE no tally, why the fuck do you ask me such a rhetorical question? Your attitude in work disgrace you as a person & i despise you no less than the irresponsible people i'm working along. To be honest, Leong, Tar Hau & Parry, you people piss me off. Nikolas, I'm kinda disappointed with you. Managers, I'm even more so disappointed at whoever employed these people. You think Wee Seng, Wee Beng and Yong Guan suit the job? Even Michelle is a gamble. What happened to people like Nicholas Neo, Tan Jian Rong & Alex Yow??? Extinct ah? Blood boiling ah buay tahan. Enough.

Wah, i don't know what to say. A lot of feelings i wanna express but this hectic lifestyle doesn't allow me to take time off to speak. Worst of all, i can meet no one to air my thoughts. I'm exasperated, speaking to stubborn people. Told my dad Totti is an Italian he freaking repeated 3 times that he is a Paraguayan!!! WTF??? Why don't you trust me, who have been playing FM since there was CM3?! I was agitated to the point i told him, "i told you how many times already, he is an ITALIAN!" Didn't meant to be rude but really I'm losing my cool especially after a hiccup @ work that day. Really like 1 phrase my friend always says, buay kia lang dulan! Needless to say about customers, just wasting my breath. I will die a lot younger trying to put my point to you, who's mind is completely shut! Please, willingness to learn is a virtue even the greatest Man should have. If you think you are so damn good & almighty then forget it, i don't want this kinda friends. I can accept friends who are selfish, i can accept friends who have low esteem but i can't accept people who think that they are too good to listen to others. Sorry to my family & friends who i have selfishly vent my frustration on, i'm really losing my cool. Someone, if you have the time, just drop me a text and i will be grateful. That excludes you Jem & HPY, cause 1 is in Taiwan, the other has better things to worry about. A good listener is someone i need, don't have to say anything. Just listen to me open my heart. I hope it's you who approach me. I will never give up. Kobayakawa Sena, Manchester United & John Stanley Wisnioski, you guys taught me to never give up!

P.S.: Lost without you                                               - Delta Goodrem

PPT

Today, went for PPT @ NIE. Great experience, hopefully i pass and get into NIE & start my exciting uni life. I see some weird people there but with me around, weird people will also learn to be normal!

Anyway, reason i want to blog is actually cause of this song that my friend recommended me few years back, it's called Because I'm A Girl. This song has no meaning if you do not watch the video cause it is in korean. For my HPY though, please stay clear of this video as you will clearly break down if you watch. The MV is about how this couple met by chance but got separated in the end due to a freak accident. Though they didn't die, they lead a life worst than death. The girl got blind partly due to the guy's fault, thus, he gave up everything(his love for photography, racing & his eyes) for the girl to regain her eyesight. Initially, i really felt that this guy's love for her must be incredible(even though it is just a MV) but on second thought, it may out of responsibility that he did that. With all due respect, i still admire a person who is willing to make such a sacrifice for the person he loves no matter what the reason is because for one, i'm not prepared to make that sacrifice now. The big decision to give up a normal life, the ability to see your loved ones and your love for her. Immense, emotions-flood after watching it.


Then again, 施比受更有福, to love someone may be better than being loved cause sometimes you can really suffocate in other's love. It is a great thing to be able to love someone too, some don't even have the courage to do so. Which idiot wouldn't wanna be loved the way he/she loves others? But not everyone shares the same love language and whether you understand your spouse's may determine the outcome of the relationship. Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, act of service and physical touch, which is yours? Of course everyone would like a little bit of everything but there has to be 1 that will work wonder for you. Food for thought.


alex: i will be gone by then lo, hopefully i will be getting all excited about uni then


P.S.: Love is not mathematics, you can't measure how much you give and expect the same will return. Love is from the heart<3

Confused

Today, i went back to work feeling like army days - not getting the support from higher HQ. Oh well, gonna be gone soon so let's not bother. Anyway i thought about things & decided not to get angry over stupid people & stuff. They won't know i'm angry and my anger won't get things done. Instead, i'm gonna smile all day long from now on! As they say, 笑里藏刀, i will qing qiang 杀 all obstacles in front of me!!!


And so, on Thursday i went to Expo, Toy's'rus & IKEA. Feels damn good to be back in the east, really my home man. Tampines Mall is like AHS territory sia, no matter how much it changes i still know where the shops are, not like Vivocity. Back to childhood @ Toy's'rus but i can't find RISK, you mean kids these days don't play that???!!! Always love shopping @ IKEA cause all the designs are what makes an ideal home. Too bad i don't have a car plus i was  really tired, otherwise i would have gotten more stuff & shop @ Giant as well!!! Oh did i not mention this was all with my HPY, Yang Fanglin??? Who took some unglam but very artistic photos of me=)) Due to my lack of sleep, got easily shag out, decided to head back home without chilling out. I know you know i tired but i really can't be bothered to act like i ain't cause i'm too tired la, i think you know haha. Now here's the highlight of the day, i carried this mini table all the way back home to realize i forgot my keys. Best of all, my mummy is @ my grandma's place in Tiong Bahru playing mahjong. I almost wanted to set up the new table & stool i bought outside my house but on second thought, the void deck probably has better ventilation. Fortunately, was at NTUC shopping & bought a drink & chocolate. WOOSH! Thinking back, i think i'm super unfilial to make my mother travel all the way back for me & i even whine to her that i have a lot of stuff when she suggested i go to my ah ma's place. Sorry mummy but i really very tired. Still love you=)) Luckily, nice mummy brought delicious home-cooked food from ah ma's house. Sambal chilli prawn, dark sauce pork, forgot what veg she got. Simple but nice, if my future spouse can do that i will be her slave man=p However, happiness was not to last. Diarrhoea reported to me the next day early morning. Probably due to the oily & spicy sambal. Oh well, i didn't regret eating those delicacy though!






I'm still clinging on to this little hope and fantasy that it may just work out, it may just come true. Dare to dream. I'm still waiting, waiting for the right time to take my chance. If you ask me, i would rather risk doing something i may regret than regretting not doing anything. Will you wait with me?


P.S.: I'm everything i am because you loved me